Emotional intelligence and engagement

Have you ever wondered if you’d get more engagement if you were more emotionally intelligent?

Or, do you ever wonder why people get more engagement who appear to be LESS emotionally intelligent?

Here’s my take:

1. Engagement is togetherness — so it’s being on other people’s frequency

If you are more “emotionally intelligent” than someone else, that could actually be an impediment. Engagement isn’t about how emotionally intelligent you are — it’s about being together, connecting, being on the same frequency.

Think of an old-fashioned analogue radio in a world where signals are now digital. The more modern digital signal may be more “emotionally intelligent”, but it won’t be received by the old radio.

2. Emotional intelligence is being able to adapt your frequency

The skill I learned as a former church minister was adapting myself to the frequency of whoever I was talking to — mirroring body language, using their vocabulary, adopting their accent, talking about content they talk about.

But while I could adapt for a period of time, it wasn’t my default frequency, and I couldn’t sustain it beyond a conversation or a dinner.

3. Owning your frequency

There’s something to be said about owning your frequency, being who you are. The stronger your signal, the more you tend to attract others to you.

Actually, people are drawn to signals that they themselves can adapt around. When you don’t have your own frequency because you’re adapting to everyone else’s, you’re not as emotionally intelligent as you think. Maybe you’re masking people-pleasing with the phrase “emotional intelligence.”

4. This is true for engaging customers too

A business so busy adapting itself to others will not succeed. You have to be able to have your customers adapt to you as well. The best way to achieve this is to find those already on your wavelength.