Engaging detractors in 4 steps

Ever needed to engage with a "detractor" – someone who you knew, or feared, was against you?

This situation can be very hard, but I’ve seen so many people make it harder by the way they approach it.

Here’s four steps for engaging with a detractor:

1. Begin with affirming commonality

It’s commonly understood that when negotiating, you want to find common ground. But how seldom do I see people begin with commonality.

Here’s one generic way of doing this: “We both agree that we want to achieve what is best for the company. Of course, we might disagree with what we think is best. But we both want the best.”

Another way: “You and I need to work on this together. I’ve always felt that while we may not agree, you will be honest with me. So I am counting on that honesty here.”

2. Affirm their viewpoint

Point out the validity in the other person’s position. Show that you don’t demonise them, that they are reasonable for having their perspective.

If they begin talking about their perspective, listen, don’t interrupt. Affirm where it’s reasonable. Affirm where it’s true. Affirm where you sympathise.

3. Ask them to offer ways to address their concerns

Rather than you proposing solutions, invite them to suggest how their concerns might be addressed. This shifts the dynamic from confrontation to collaboration.

4. Keep returning to this conversation

Engagement isn’t about just having one conversation — it’s about ongoing conversations. Stay in touch with your detractors, as often they will tell you things your allies might not even notice… or be willing to say.