Engaging over difference, especially at Christmas

Ever been unsure whether to greet someone with “Merry Christmas”? What if they’re Jewish? Muslim? Jehovah’s Witnesses? What if they’re offended that you celebrate Jesus?

For an over-thinker like me, I can easily over-think this. But Christmastime is actually a great example of engaging with difference.

1. Approach with pure, unembarrassed, honest, considerate intention

Don’t be afraid to ask. But don’t ask rudely. You could say to someone wearing a headscarf: “I think you’re Muslim because of the headscarf — is that right? And might I be right in thinking you don’t celebrate Christmas?”

This is indeed a very English way of saying something! But the power is that it asks a question and shows you don’t assume you’re right. It makes assumptions without making assumptions. It frames things in a way that you are OK with being wrong, and shows you’re trying your best.

2. Talk about it, rather than hide it

If you’re thinking or wondering something, use the method above to ask about it rather than dismiss or hide it. I like the line: “Am I right in thinking…?”

If you’re wrong, great! It’s a chance to learn and get closer.

3. Use inclusive language

You could say “Season’s Greetings”, which is more benign of religious invocation. Or “Enjoy the end of the year.”

I’m a big fan of careful, intentional use of language that is inclusive — it requires effort, thought, and concentration.