Engaging small talk

Do you ever struggle with small talk? Someone commenting on the weather? The same old “how are you?” The customary complaints about workload at the beginning of meetings?

Here are four ways to turn small talk into engaging talk:

1. Small talk is the first, soft serve in a conversational game of tennis

Don’t see small talk as needing to stay small. It’s just the opening play of what is meant to be a pleasant rally.

I don’t see it as small talk. I see it as soft talk — soft power.

2. Ask a question about preference or experience

Asking people to declare a preference or their experience is a simple but powerful method.

If someone says, “Oh I can’t stand this rain!” you can ask, “So you’re more of a sun than a rain person?” (Preference) Or even better: “Was there a time when you danced in the rain?” (Experience)

3. Find commonality or contrast

Whatever they say, find a way to share something from your own life that is in common or in contrast.

If they say “I’ve never danced in the rain”, you can say “Oh you’ve got to try it!” Or if they say “I love warm weather”, you can say “Oh me too — sometimes I think I must be a sun goddess!”

4. Keep the rally going, and take it somewhere

It never ceases to amaze me how people can enter into a small talk rally but don’t keep it going. What a waste.

All small talk is soft talk waiting to go somewhere. People love to be seen.