Engaging the antagonistic

Ever been fearful to engage with someone you feel is antagonistic toward you?

Here are a few ways to approach that:

1. Really listen

Begin with: “I’d love to hear what you think and feel about this.” And then really listen. Probe, ask questions, attempt to see things from their perspective.

Don’t rush to respond. Just listen to their reasons.

2. Identify the wider intentions you agree on

Engaging with someone antagonistic requires you to find the common intention — the wider sense of motivation behind actions. Even if you have different senses of direction, you may share the same intention.

Intention is the driving force to look at, rather than the direction.

3. Use "what ifs"

Rather than suggesting “we should do X”, say: “What IF we did X?” The simple change in language lowers the resistance to what they may perceive as you seeking to control their agency.