Engaging with silence

Last week I wrote about what to say when you don’t know what to say, and how it’s important to repeat key messages.

My friend Franz Sauerstein replied with the point that there are situations where it’s also fine to say, “I don’t know what to say.”

Franz is right. Here are three ways to engage using silence:

1. You can say, "I don't know what to say"

Sometimes rather than saying nothing, it’s ok to say you’re unsure of what to say. Sometimes I soften it by saying, “I’m not sure what to say.” It’s a way of acknowledging the challenge of words for the situation.

2. You can be silent

Just because we are silent doesn’t mean we are not engaging. Engagement can be words, but it is not limited to words. And it existed before words.

3. You can say, "I'm listening"

I find this one really powerful. The occasional head nod, or “I’m listening”, is a powerful way to affirm that you are actively listening.

This is especially true with digital communication, where your head nod can’t be seen. Saying “I’m listening” between their messages signals that you’re there and affirms that they can keep going.

Simple, but effective.